In yesterday's Telegraph I
received a little pamphlet titled as "Innovations '97". What an absolute
corker this publication is!! I've seen previous editions but this one transcends
all others with it's singular stream of useless rubbish (that you can get
cheaper at almost any other place in the world). Many of the items are
annotated as "brilliant" as in the "Brilliant Adjustable Wrench" or the
"Brilliant Cordless Headphone and Speaker System". Overall, however, there
seems to be very little that is truely brilliant about these particular
products. In one instance the little item was titled as "The stomach you've
always wanted" - now there would be a brilliant thing to buy. But, on closer
inspection, it was just another of those abdominal exercisers that have
been the "rage" for at least 5 years. Of course, you could go instead for
the "Posture Rectifier" which, to my prole eyes, looks nothing more than
a purpose built girdle for the upper body. As with those seemingly requisite
items for the 1950's woman, it looks as uncomfotable as all get out : it
may soon be high on the list of S&M items at a HellFire club near you.
Probably the best item is tucked nondescriptly in the middle of this esteemed
journal : the "Kegelcisor". Looking like a particularly beautifull socket
wrench attachment that a bloke may have tucked under the workbench, this
item is incongruously pictured on a silk background. In fact this thingo
is for sole use by members of the female persuasion so that they can "help
with an embarrasing problem" in the PC (not politically correct) muscle.
It's a problem that I wont go into in any depth but, let me say it plainly,
you girls must have it awful tough if a cold steel item like this is required
on a winter's morn'. For some reason, "Brilliant" wasn't a term that was
included anywhere in the article!!
